[caption id=”attachment_462” align=”aligncenter” width=”250” caption=”Superman: Grounded”][/caption] I love Superman. Unequivocally. Period. End of sentence. I. LOVE. SUPERMAN. I am actually a DC mark, I love that fact that the heroes in the DC Universe are truly heroes. They don’t have the money and marital issues that you see in Marvel. Spider-Man is great but I don’t give a crap if he can pay his rent or if him and MJ are doing ok. I want my super-heroes to be SUPER…and for years DC Comics was the place to be for that…and Superman was the embodiment of all things Heroic. That’s why the next couple paragraphs are so irritating to write. After the borderline epic War of the Supermen (aka The Hundred Minute War)  mini-arc, DC comics brought in legendary scribe J. Michael Straczynski to take over writing duties beginning with Superman#701. After having just completed a succesful (and enjoyable) run with Thor, I was all set for JMS to take Superman to new heights. [caption id=”attachment_463” align=”aligncenter” width=”250” caption=”Fighting General Zod and 100,000 Kryptonians is way better than a walk in the woods”][/caption] But instead, JMS decided that the best storyline Superman could have is to take a walk. A WALK. Superman wasn’t going to use his powers to save the earth from impending doom, he was going to walk around the USA to get in touch with the citizens because apparently Superman has lost touch with society. Really? REALLY?!?!?!? What event started Supes on this sojourn you ask? Was it facing off against 100,000 Kryptonians in a war to save Earth? Nope. Was it the realization that New Krypton and 95,000+ Kryptonians were destroyed by Lex Luthor and General Sam Lane (Superman’s Father in Law)? Nope. It was one crazy broad who was pissed that while Superman was saving the ENTIRE PLANET he couldn’t spare a couple minutes to save her husband from a brain tumor. What? Let’s recap. Our hero…let’s call him Superman…is out saving the ENTIRE planet from doom. A planet that this woman and her husband…and her children…and everyone else she may or may not know live on. So let’s indulge this woman for just a second. Superman decides that rather than spend his time stopping Brainiac, Lex Luthor, General Zod, and an army of 100,000 Kryptonians from wiping out mankind he will go and use his powers to save ONE man from dying from brain tumor. OK, Superman does just this and succeeds in saving this man from death…for about 17 seconds. Because while he was doing this the rest of the planet was getting destroyed. So hooray lady. You’re husband beat cancer…but now because of your inability to see the bigger picture your hubby, his bandaged head, your kids, your dog, your parents, and your selfish irrational self are all now dead. Happy now? See this is what pisses me off, JMS assumes that we readers are friggin idiots. Yeah, we get it there is a lot of injustice in the world that escapes Superman’s supervision. The thing is JMS and DC, we know and we don’t care. The great thing about Superman is that he doesn’t interfere in the mundane. We are supposed to figure that stuff out ourselves so we can evolve as a society. Cancer sucks, but Superman is going to stop the Earth from getting taken over by Darkseid so that our human scientists have time to one day cure cancer ourselves…like big boys. Let him worry about stuff that we can’t do crap about. Superman is a beacon, an example of good for all of us to follow. He is not our babysitter. Got people dealing drugs on your street? Don’t call Superman, start policing your own block and get them out yourself with the cops help. He’ll stop the country from being taken over from alien forces, but the street clean up is our deal. [caption id=”attachment_465” align=”aligncenter” width=”600” caption=”Ummm, you ungrateful sonofabitch…if you weren’t wearing yellow I’d fight you”][/caption] This reminds me of a famous issue of Green Lantern (Volume 2 #76) written by Denny O’Neill and Neal Adams, where GL is walking down the street with his douchebag buddy Green Arrow and is stopped by an older black man who asks him that despite helping all sorts of people in his adventures he had never bothered to help black people in America. Now I realize that this was the early 1970’s, but even the most cruelly treated black person back then should understand that by saving the planet Green Lantern was, in fact, helping out the “black skins”. Come to think of it, JMS is blatantly ripping off that story in his latest Superman arc. Having Superman take a stroll through America to get in touch with the common folk is only fueling the fervor that Superman is lame. Batman said it best in Superman/Batman #3 “It is a remarkable dichotomy. In many ways, Clark is the most human of us all. Then…he shoots fire from the skies, and it is difficult not to think of him as a god. And how fortunate we all are that it does not occur to him.”  Superman is in touch with the people, he understands and he doesn’t interfere. [caption id=”attachment_466” align=”aligncenter” width=”300” caption=”Sure, I’ll stop being god-like to fix the potholes in your area”][/caption] Superman is the single most inspirational hero DC has to offer. This is unquestioned, his exploits were what inspired the Legion of Superheroes to form centuries after his death. Batman says as much in Superman/Batman #63 when he calls Superman a symbol of hope that the people of the world need. Having him or any other superhero walk around dealing with petty crimes is a waste of their powers, and more importantly it’s a waste of my money. I don’t want to read about Superman keeping someone from running a red light (an actual part of JMS’ story), I want to read about Superman beating the ever living crap out of Braniac and Darkseid while shooting fire from his eyes and moving a planet. [caption id=”attachment_472” align=”aligncenter” width=”400” caption=”Superman never loses a staring contest”][/caption] I don’t need Supes getting all Emo on us and repeating to himself that “with great power comes great responsibility”. Nor do I desire to write an essay begging for my town to be featured in the comic…yes, that’s really happening. Look, JMS….here’s the thing, after a story where Supes didn’t wear his costume…wasn’t on Earth…and was boring (but thankfully revived by the War)…I don’t need any Capra-esque corniness that doesn’t take place in Metropolis. Do Better JMS….Do Better DC Comics…give us a Superman worth reading about. Don’t go all Superman 4: Quest For Peace on me. Here’s an example of Superman actually being SUPER.